I Am Okay

 Wednesday, March 8, 2023

Things are better. It’s slow progress, full of fear and sore spots. But the difference is like day and night. And it came down to one simple phrase that I wasn’t looking for.

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I am okay.

The phrase came to my mind, un bidden and unforced, in the middle of the night. I had put myself to sleep, but something woke me up, and as I was trying to fall back asleep, the simple phrase came to my mind.

I am okay. 

And I realized that it was true, and that I was going to be okay. I didn’t force the words. I didn’t fake it or pretend to feel like it was true. The words just surfaced above the swirling dark mantra that had been my interior monologue for days.

I am okay. 

I smiled. I let my obnoxious princess of a cat snuggle up to me, and eventually I fell back asleep. When I woke up I was able to smile, to stretch, and to get things done before going to work. I was able to accept the love of my wife and my step son without feeling like it somehow caused me pain. 

I’m not 100%. I still don’t know how to come back from this. I’m still hurting.

But the simple phrase was like a sip of clean, cool water to a man dying of thirst. And during this dark, hard time, even though I was not thriving in any sense of the word, even in the darkness, I had been okay, too.

So, I am okay. And chances are, you are, too.

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I’m not a therapist or a guru. I don’t have sage advice. I’m just a man trying to make his way through the dark. I’m trying my best, and if anyone can benefit from me expressing myself this way, then it will have been worth it.

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Life before death

Strength before weakness

Journey before destination