No Good People

Monday, April 10, 2023

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I have said many times that I am not a good person. I self identify as an asshole who is doing their best not to let other people realize that I am, so I lean as hard in the other direction as possible.

I talked with a good friend recently, during a crisis of mine. I told her I was not a good person. She disagreed vehemently and said that she should know because she’s known me for about thirty years. She’s also an ex, and if our friendship has lasted that long AND survived a breakup, there may be something to her claim.

More importantly, she said that the idea of a good person is a bit of a myth. There may be one or two genuinely good people out there, but most of us are kind of selfish, kind of greedy, and kind of mean - qualities that can very easily tip us toward bad under the right circumstances. No one is good. No one is evil. We’re just people trying to survive.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn probably said it best.

“The line between good and evil runs not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart.” 

Touching on Doctor Who again, in the Matt Smith episode A Town Called Mercy, an alien known as Kahler-Jex - a known war criminal - has settled in a human town on Earth. He has done everything he can to improve the lives of the people around him. The balance of his past sins and his current service are the crux of the episode and acts as a sharp parallel to the Doctor himself, whose hands are certainly not clean. While it is a simplified view of our own struggle, it is apt. Our lives don’t keep the good and the bad so neatly separated and defined.

Does the good Jex has done erase the bad? Does it tip the scales for him toward being a "good" person?

I’m not religious. I don’t believe in absolute categories of good and evil the same way a person of faith might. But I do believe there are good things a person can do, based subjectively on what will benefit themselves, their circle, their species, and their planet. Likewise I think there are less than ideal things that people can do - that we ALL do - that detract from those same goods. And maybe I believe in evil in the sense that there are some people who are aware of the horrible impact of their actions and choose to persist in them.

It’s good to be proactively aware of someone’s peanut allergy.

It’s dangerous but not evil to give peanuts to someone you didn’t know was allergic.

It’s evil to leave peanuts in food knowing that the person about to eat it is allergic and do nothing to stop them from eating it.

We’re all kinda shitty. Being aware of your own failings and actively trying to fight them and improve as a person is, perhaps, the closest thing we can get to being truly “good.”

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What are my qualifications? None, except for my own experience and a desire to help. Going back to Doctor Who, “I am an idiot … passing through, helping out.” I hope my own struggle with my darkness can help you with yours, or understand the struggle of someone you love.

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Life before death

Strength before weakness

Journey before destination